Yeah, yeah, I get it, you want me to translate his French.
Well, I'm not sure why Hercule Poirot's been having some trouble with his mothertongue, but it's not just my lack-of-fluency in French; he's a little difficult to make out in places. At least twice, he very clearly enunciated what is definitely not a word in French, or said something with such poor enunciation that it was impossible to make out WHAT he was saying. Plus, it would have been easier if he were French Canadian instead of Belgian.
Still, I did my best. (if someone else who speaks French wants to go over this and correct my mistakes/ fill in the blanks, be my guest.)
I believe that it's working. Okay.
Here are the recitals of Hercule Poirot and my investigation of the matter of, uh, Lionel, the cat of Claire Widdicombe.
I must clarify that I am really Hercule Poirot. This is not a joke, I am not a bit crazy. I was brought here on the number 12 [?]... I don't know how. I am going by the fake name Reynald Saint-Jerome, and I am installed in the house of Mme. claire widdicombe for the time being, on the chance that [too fast to understand but probably irrelevant]. But that is not important.
The cat Lionel died in the middle of the night, and I am trying to learn the cause. Why I am doing this, I cannot say. In truth, I found this cat very [asportable?], and I am sure that it found me to be the same. Maybe I'm doing it for Mme. Widdicombe out of gratitude, but, really, there are problems with Mme. She hides in her filth [??] and [?] with the bourgeois, but she is [??], plus one time she tried make a proposition, that Hercule Poirot refused to oblige, right away.
No, I believe that I am investigating the cat's death because I am intrigued by the mystery and the thrill of the chase. I also see and [??...] because [?? does not sound like French]. I have a feeling that there is something bad hidden in this house. And Hercule Poirot refuses to [? leave it be?].
The cat had been generally living in good health, perhaps too good, and died all of a sudden in the night, resting in the salon. He visited his room after me, generally not during the night. He slept [?], in the depths of the house. We must demand to understand the death of Lionel: why was he removed in the middle of the night, while only resting on the sofa in the salon? Right now, the sofa-- My God! The sofa was moved!
From here on in, the recording is in English.